Frozen
I don’t even know where to start. So what follows will likely be just a word vomit of incoherent thoughts…but its the best I can muster.
~ Spent 5 days in TX spending time with my grandparents. It is a fragile time. My grandfather decided to stop his dialysis treatments today. He is tired of his miserable quality of life. Hospice is coming in to make him comfortable. My mother stayed behind to be with him, my grandmother, and aunt.
~ The funny thing is the whole time you look at him and you don’t really think he is that sick because besides what time has done to his body he appears alright. I think for all of us while we were there the imminence of his death weighed on us all in varying proportions. But i am happy that for him he will not be suffering any longer.
~ When the moment came to say goodbye I didn’t know what to expect, what to say, no words seemed worthy enough. But it was not some big goodbye but merely like all of our many others. He simply said ” I am so proud of you and I love you very much” and I gave him a hug and said “I love you.” And that was it nothing more and nothing less. I then got back in the car and watched as he walked away slowly slightly hunched over with his cane and bag in hand as my mother and grandma silently wiped away tears. Maybe I should have said something profound but what is there to say. Perhaps I should have cried but what good is that. Truth is when we said goodbye I was at peace. I was at peace with our time together, our memories, and most importantly his fate.
